Their is a billboard with a nun playing golf on it. What would the pitch be for that golf course? Perhaps something to do with virgin greens. Yeah. I need more Catholic training. Why? I do not know the answer to if a why a nun wears the black and white get up.
Anyway, the sign got me thinking.*thinking bad*. I should open up a chain of religious mini-golf things... That is so dumb.
I'm realizing as I'm typing why I do not blog. I mean what is the point of updating a blog when we get comments from about five different people, and we see these people throughout the day, so why not just say it to them when you see them. Our attempt at setting up a blog for our "thespians," appears to be a giant failure. We never post anything that needs to be said. Well maybe one out of the 150 or so we have had. But does one make up for all the other random crap we do. Not really. It is nice knowing that Mac is okay in Germany, but she only has to post because she can not directly speak to us. Every other person on this blog sees each other through out the day. God damnit fucking rambling on about one topic that could have been summed up in one sentence.
Bad day today. Not to bad up until sixth hour. I used to love sixth hour. Deebs was a fun teacher, and the subject matter was some what interesting, but somewhere in their all enjoyment in that class was lost. Sitting in sixth hour, slacking off, and Deebs passes out grade reports. My grade not what I expected, not what I liked, but what should have been expected. When you put no effort in a class, and hope to have a respectable grade you are a fool, or one of the people that magically pull grades out their asses. It occured to me in this class just how much I am fucking myself over. Why did I put zero effort in school? I knew that I would have to, but I didn't. This is beyond procrastination. This is lazy. But i just do not have the drive needed to actually do work. I don't hate school by any means. I even enjoy most classes, but I just won't put effort forth. Why?
These thoughts automatically brought me to college. What if I don't get in? My GPA is moderate at best, my community service is nonexistent, and knowing my luck I'll fuck up the ACT and end up with a 23. Then what. It dawns on me sometimes that I may have to lower my standards and accept a public college. But I do not want that. I almost think I would just quit before I would do that. Even If I were to get into college, what would I accomplish? I look at my skills * Napoleon Dynamite* and I'm not exceptional at anything. The things I enjoy would get me nowhere. English? My best hopes would be taking Hewitts job. Prick. Theater? I couldn't cut it. Some people can. We compare ourselves to the people near us. Steve is amazing, and is passion is unprecedented. I'm not even the best in my grade, and I've already gone over how I;m to lazy to better myself. God damnit when did college, and a career become such a pressing issue. Why do I have to hang around with people that are so smart? That doesn't make one feel insignificant or anything. You can do one thing, and they top you without trying. Then what happens. You decide to put effort into classes. I put everything into a couple, and got nothing in return. I am a greedy bastard. Thinking I need a compliment everytime I do something good.
I do not even know about life sometimes. You think you can trust a friend, but then you can't tell if they are your friend or not. I wish that the good guys wore white, and bad guys black. Your friends encouraged you, and didn't put you down. But we, or at least I, can't have that.
Godfuckingdamnit their is a borderline between ranting, getting off your chest, and being emo. That line is so lame.
Just when you think life is just their holding the lube it hands you a gold nugget. It wants to prove to that their is still hope for a person in this world. Whether its a person, an idea, or a pat on the back. Life is tricky like that. Damn you Aerosmith ruining my bad mood. Making me remember good moments.
Yeah, maybe I'll post again. I need my own blog. The thespians did not need this. Merry Christmas.
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4 comments:
We didn't really need this, it's true. We never did though, and I always knew that. The point is basically to give us a random place to ramble on about nothing... And whether anyone reads it is up to them. It's useless, true, but most blogs are. It's a nice thing to have, especially for me now that I'm so far away, and it's decent in the summer too. I suppose when we all don't see each other anymore it will seem to have a greater purpose, if it survives to that point. But even though, I like this blog.
I used to really like sixth hour too. Until all the shit went down and I realized that in spite of taking only one AP next year, I will be taking six. All the shit that went down that last day for me really made me lose my happy feelings for that class. It's frustrating. I hate how all that became such a big deal, even though I flat out said that whatever consequences came from it all I would accept and deal with on my own, and that I would take full responsiblity for things that were not entirely my fault... But that's high school; everyone treats you like a kid but expects you to act like an adult. Makes no sense but that's life. I say fuck it.
I'm fucking myself over in school too, much worse than you are I'd say. If I wasn't so fucking lazy and set in being a slacker, I'd be going to Perpich next year. How's that for a reality check? Now I'm ranting on your post and that's unnecessary. I hope things go better for you than they did yesterday.
I can see why you were depressed yesterday now... Maybe I should wait for Sara to come in and say something wise and encouraging. I suck at that sort of thing.
I do know how you feel, though. I went through a thought process like that last year, and a few times this year. I don't know. Maybe you could become friends with the career center. Apparently they have useful information in there.
Um, I'm sorry to be so late on the "wise and encouraging" piece. I hope you are feeling better now. Part of the trouble of high school stress and whatnot is that it builds up on itself, so don't try to tackle too many things at once. That said, I know it's still your decision, but really consider your prospects of next year. Yes, plan ahead for the future, but don't skimp on the right-nows, either. Some people spend their whole lives trying to save up for the future.
And even though we all see each other most days (except Mackie, hi dear!), Blogs still give a different view on how and what people think- writing is a straight tap to the mind. Never feel bad about just blogging or try and limit it to sense or whatnot. Just let it go, like most other things, and just (as your dear Mr. Vandhoff would say) relax. Don't be so hard on yourself. None of us should, actually. I noticed that that's a bizarre trait about most of our friends- we're all weirdly competative but we push ourselves right to the brink. It sucks. Brinks in general just suck.
Okay, I don't know if that helped any. 90% of the time here I'm just saying these things to myself because its what I need to hear, but what they hey. Love you dearly, all of you kids, and be taking care. If anything, the school year's almost up and no one can even know what's coming up next. Hugs all around?
*peacepeace*
-Sra
Hi Sara! :) I agree. Brinks are generally not so good.
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